Making decisions and making things better

ok so first off...there has been some changes in what im doing down here. i was getting sick of just working at the high school for only a handful of classes during the week. on top of that, my classes were not very big because the students in my classes also have other courses during the time im teaching, so many just miss my class. the program is not working well at the high school, but im trying to do the best i can. many times i just feel the kids dont care at all, and that pains me, but i keep trying to do more. so, since i was not getting the experience i wanted, i decided to go out and get it myself. i asked my coordinating teacher again if i could work with her at the university (she had offered before) and so now i help teach with her on thursdays to engineering students. she is going to pay me a little out of her monthly salary. i truly am fortunate. also, a man who works at my school has a girlfriend who teaches second grade at the basic school nearby. so he spoke with her, and now im teaching classes to 2 second grade classrooms, seventh graders, and eighth graders. middle school is definitely not my favorite, especially when they act like monkeys (not kidding), but i like challenges, so bring it on....i think.....anyway, i love the second graders. i teach to about 35-38 students in one class. it is quite a challenge to teach to such a large group (in comparison to the 23-27 in the states) but they are so sweet. they call me "tia" which is a form of endearment for their teachers. they run up and give hugs and kisses. im smiling all the time when im there, then i go back to the high school....haha.

my friend from la serena came to visit me in vallenar on monday and tuesday. it was fun to have a friend in vallenar. i actually canceled my classes at the high school so i could have time to hang out with him. what surprised me was when i ran into some students around town, they told me they were sad my classes were canceled! that gave me the extra motivation i need to keep going. i also spoke more with the director of the school on monday and he asked for more of my opinion of the school after i mentioned how the classes are still not working in the most effective manner. i told him the truth. students are learning very little in classes since they are disorganized, students are doing what they want, and teachers are lacking discipline. i said it is sad that students to not have much opportunity after high school, and they do not realize it. they will work at the local store for the rest of their life and not see the importance of education. so now since i opened my big mouth he wants me to discuss my opinions with a group of students next week, in spanish! oh great! ill keep you updated....

i also started my english club on friday. i was very surprised to have 29 students sign up to come, i was expecting just 15 or so! 15 students ended up coming last friday, but i understand things come up and since it is after school some find "better" things to do. we had a brief lesson and discussion, and then watched part of 50 first dates in english. i stopped the movie after different scenes to see if they understood and then tried in my broken spanish to summarize (oh its not pretty!) but i hear from teachers the students loved the club which im very happy about.

so im sure you might be wondering how my spanish is coming along. i am so excited to say it is 3 times better! when i first arrived in chile, i did not have the confidence to speak, so i said very few words. when you are around others who have studied spanish and then of course native speakers, it is very intimidating. understanding spanish is always easier than speaking, since you have to translate in your head, form the sentences, and then speak with correct pronunciation in spanish. pronunciation in spanish is critical. if you say the correct word, but without the correct accents, they will have no idea what you are saying...this can be very frustrating! so within the first few weeks of being in vallenar, i listened much more than i spoke, just trying to absord the language and understand what people were discussing. spanish is chile is very different than spanish elsewhere. they have many "modismos" or slang words and many times they shorten words. they also speak so fast you can only pick up a few words at a time. i still speak english often with teachers at my school, but with some friends we talk in both languages. i have friends who only speak spanish, so our conversations still contain charades and go slowly. after a month here, my cooperating teacher said i need to start practicing speaking more, so i have been. i can now carry on conversations with chileans, often with the help of a dictionary, but it still works! i can now understand more of my high school students when they talk to me. i had my first conversation with some students at the high school last week! i keep receiving compliments about how my spanish is improving. i love to hear this! i have been having more conversations with my host mom, which is helping our relationship. we can now joke with each other. in the beginning we were polite but did not say much because of lack of understanding. now we talk. i understand her true personality much more. she was very reserved initially. the only time spanish is too difficult for me is right after i wake up (my brain is still thinking solely in english) and when im very tired. nothing processes. you would not believe how tiring it is to think and speak in two languages. thand goodness i have made wonderful friends and continue to make more. the teacher i work with at the basic school, alejandra, only speaks spanish but she is hilarious and patient. i went to a get together with some of the teachers at the basic school on wednesday and i had a wonderful time. they encourage my spanish and are so welcoming. i do not have friends my age in chile, they are all 25 and older, but this has been such a blessing for me. i dont really feel like going out to the bars and getting drunk or dancing in the smokey discoteca. im enjoying just getting to know the people who live here. they have such different opinions, but many are the same. im fascinated by what they know, what they want in life, and how their culture affects their daily life.

right now im in la serena for the weekend. other volunteers are meeting here this weekend since today is the independence day in chile. this is bigger than christmas in the states! they party for about 3 days. it is said they gain an average of 6-9 pounds during this time. so much food and drinking. this is a much needed vacation out of my small town. i get to speak english with native speakers! yay!

update...

so this past weekend was full of different activities. i had to take a bus to copiapo, which is 2 hours north of vallenar, for a meeting with my coordinators and other volunteers in my region. when we arrived, i met up with the other volunteers and one of my coordinators. i have been mainly in communication with this woman because our head coordinator was sick with the swine flu when we arrived and to top it off he doesnt speak english....awesome! anyway, when i arrived she mentioned that another volunteer had to decided to leave the program this month and there is an open position in that town where other volunteers are living. apparently i was placed in vallenar just two days before the listings were posted for all the volunteers and she was nervous to have me there alone (what a surprise! i might be lonely!) so since she knew of the problems i was having with my school etc (since i had written her about it) she offered me the opportunity to live in el salvador with my friends, in a big house, in a semi-private school. it was like putting a silver platter in front of me and asking if i wanted it. it bothered me even more when during the meeting she kept making excuses and saying false statements about her returning our emails and such. then she even brought up some up my situation with the other volunteers and well as another volunteer´s problem. she discussed with me in front of everyone how it would be a good opportunity for me to move. i decided to tell her right there that it was not my character to accept a position and then turn away from it. i have a commitment here in vallenar and im staying. it is hard to think at times my friends are enjoying each others company, but i know im learning a lot here. i am challenged everyday. it will only make me stronger.

anyway, enough of that, i was finally able to go on a mini-trip out of vallenar. i went with my friend marco 3 hours south to la serena. it is beautiful there. so many churches, stores, restaurants, an actual mall!, and of course the beach! we even rode horses on the beach. marco and i met up with my friend laura during the day and then i was able to see some other volunteers who came up from their city of ovalle. we met some other chileans who were their friends and spent some time at a house just talking and relaxing. it was wonderful to get away and see my friends. i was able to talk with native english speakers finally in person! the chileans were having a hard time understanding us because we were speaking so fast! now they understand how we always feel!

it was hard to come back to vallenar saturday night. i wanted so badly to stay longer in la serena with everyone, but i realize my commitment here. i do have friends here, a new family, and students who do want to learn. sometimes in does get lonely here. i spend a lot of time alone, and more times than not i just want to sit somewhere and talk with someone for hours and not have any issues with miscommunication. But God is constantly here with me, and when things start getting really bad, somehow they always turn around.

A compliment that surprised me...

Last night I had a small Spanish lesson with two of the Spanish teachers here. It was fun and so helpful. I am amazed by the people here sometimes, especially by their willingness to give and help with anything.
Anyway, I was walking home last night with my friend Ricardo and he told me that i am making changes at the liceo (high school) even though i seem to not notice it. he said more students are talking english and really trying. i could not believe it. it warmed my heart! he mentioned how people who work at the school "think im cool" as he put it. sometimes i never know when im actually making an impact. i guess sometimes you need to stop, look around, and realize you are doing what you can and probably someone has been touched by what you have done. im sure my friends and family do this everyday as well!

have a wonderful week!

I need motivation

Im constantly frustrated with having new students or ones who return after two weeks of not coming. This is hard. I do not want to reteach but I have to most of the time because they are so lost. I am having a difficult time moving forward. I wrote this a few weeks ago. I hope I am still working towards it....

I will teach to the best of my ability

I will guide my students in learning what they can in the time allowed

I will work with the tools I have to instill a desire to learn

And I will hope and pray that their own motivation will push them to learn more everyday.

Thanks for reading.

Jen