Thursday, April 22, 2010

Oh where to begin?

so since i have been so preoccupied with the whole learning spanish and trying to teach in a different country, ive been horrible at updating! i really should make time to sit down and think through everything. so im going to back track a bit...or more than a bit...

lets start with my kittens (mis gatitos). i think it was about the second or third week here. they were stranded outside near my house and everyone heard them crying throughout the morning. i asked my family about them, but as they know they cant save every animal (or people just dont want to) they told me to let it go. well when i walked outside and looked at them, i just couldnt. despite my allergy, i picked them up and took them to a friend´s house. we tried to feed them some milk with a pipette and clean out one infected eye a bit. I took them to the vet the next day (after a day of classes) and he said they were only about 20 days old. He told me to buy a special milk powder and a medication. I was to feed them every 4 hours and give the medication every 12. I wanted to cry at that point! I was having such an overwhelming time with all the classes that an additional responsibility seemed unbearable, but no one else would do it. There is no animal shelter here, and only special groups help out animals in different parts of the country. anyway, we looked everywhere for the special milk but they only had it for dogs. i would have to order it and who knew how long that would take. the vet said i could mix water and milk together but to try and get the other milk. i just didnt have any more time to spend walking around looking for it. so for the next week, i woke up during the night for feedings, made sure they had their medication, and my family helped out during the day when i was at school. we all became attached to the little guys. since it was around st. patrick´s day, i named them shamrock and clover. unfortunately, they both died about 12 hours apart that weekend. i cried my eyes out. when i saw the vet, he told me it was nearly impossible for them to survive without the mom. thanks for the heads up! after that, i was sick and out of school for a week....

on to other things. school is going much better, but i am still overwhelmed and feeling defeated often. some days are great and i feel the students are moving along, and other days i feel i am starting over. i am gaining some attention and respect of my little ones in the poor/difficult school, but im fighting a battle, along with every other teacher there, that seems to have no victory in sight. these students are DIFFICULT to work with, and some days nearly impossible. today, for example, i actually had to leave my first grade classroom for a few minutes and cry on the shoulder of a colleague. she comforted me and told me she understood. it was so nice to not have someone throw worthless advice at me for once. this class i fear going to every time. there are two students with low intelligence i believe, one who is extremely bright but loves to bother and hit other kids, two other boys who are constantly hitting each other and bothering others, and of course the normal variation of learning abilities in one class. i dont have a list of students who are in integration or have ____ type of issues. so much is by word of mouth or if i can grab a special ed teacher long enough to ask about a few students specifically. this information is not offered up freely, and i need it! in this first grade class for example, i cant maintain enough discipline and attention for more than 5 minutes sometimes without nicolas punching brian, or juan needing to ask a question, or giselle constantly commenting about random things, or cesar playing with a toy, or maria jose taking other students pencils and markers, or little mauricio (who has god knows what issues) coming up front and tugging on my sleeve about some problem or question....get the idea? and this is just one class! today i had kids crying in the corner from someone hitting them; i chased two boys around the school to keep them from strangling one another; and one boy who is such a nuisance i made him stay inside with me for a few minutes during recess, and he was bawling, so i literally grabbed him and hugged him until he relaxed. half of one class had to leave for about 10 minutes because they didnt get their snack during recess and i was not going to have them sit in class and cry about being hungry. im doing my best, sometimes it would be easier to just stop, but somewhere along the way people offer a kind word or advice.

i have countless stories like this, but im learning everyday to do what i can, make a difference somewhere, and try and keep a smile on my face. i do see changes in some students. mainly the ones who caused me so much pain initially, i have worked so hard to get through, that now they help me in class, say hi and hug me when they see me, and they are working in class more. its amazing! if you saw how they acted just a few weeks before!

im going to start some small group classes at a high school, and then 1 or two private classes. im a little overworked right now, but the money will help and i want to do as much as a can. i just need to know when to rest. sometimes, i realize i didnt eat anything, or dont really have the time to sit down. but i would not trade this experience for anything. you just have to hear me talk in spanish now!!!

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